found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
