Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
