Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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