Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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