I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
