Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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