youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize