Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
