idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
