Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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