Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
