Cold hands, warm shart.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Can Purell be used as lube?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
