That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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