I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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