i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
