"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
