Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
