He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
