I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
