Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
