I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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