Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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