He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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