we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
