i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
