Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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