i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
