you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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