she was so not down for the gang bang
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
