I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
