He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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