girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
