Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
