I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
