I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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