you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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