AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
