Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
