Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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