This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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