I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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