Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
