How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
