Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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