i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
