Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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