cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
