Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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