The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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