i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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