I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
