he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
