I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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