Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
