if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
