We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
