Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
