I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
