as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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