Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
