Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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