yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
