No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
