awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
