i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
